Sat Inder S. Khalsa

Becoming Bhairava…

Becoming Bhairava…

by | Jul 29, 2024 | vamachara blog

Becoming Bhairava…

No, I’m not obsessed with Kala Bhairava. I never even knew he was a deity to be worshipped and had only heard the Puranic tales of him, which you can google if you’re interested. This isn’t about that.

I was obsessed with Kali, and to a degree Prathyangira who is my Guruji’s Devi. Now they are about equal in my heart, and in many ways they are the same so occupy the same space in my heart. Not separate spaces. What I didn’t know, and was never told, is that as a being in a male body to invite Kali in you must become Bhairava, and I was doing this with my deep dedication to my sadhana, I just didn’t know it.

Prathyangira’s Bhairava is Sharabha, or Sharabeshwara, a very Ugra form that Shiva took in the tale of Narasimha. So recently I’ve begun his sadhana as well, and feel a strong pull toward him because of my love for Her. Plus I think I just really am drawn to be the odd man out. He isn’t someone many people even know about, just like Prathyangira, so it’s a less popular thing to be attracted to. Yet I am drawn to those things that the crowd has no interest in. That is where my heart lies. Finding the amazing in the obscure. I’m a big believer in the Shakti of a thing can be spread too thin, and one way that can happen is by having more and more devotees. Especailly those knowing your mantras. The more the merrier it’s said, while it may be true, the more there are the less power there is behind each recitation of Her/His mantra. So the obscure is all the more to my liking.

Not that I search it out, just that I’m naturally drawn to it. Maybe it’s a samskara I incurred, or some karma from another lifetime that keeps me this way. My mother used to think if she said blue I’d say red just to be obstinate. Not truly, but to some degree I can see how she’d think this. Her and many others. I like what I like and I usually do a lot of research into what I like and so know a lot about it and am too eager to argue about what I know, way too often. But I’m trying to let things go these days but it’s a process.

So in my search to find Smashan Kali in my inner being I sat at a smashan in Dehradun, where I was living for 6 months at that time, and became Bhairava in my my own way to pull Maa to me. It worked and made me a lot of canine friends in that place, and friends with the Doms, who are the Tantrik caste that handles the cremation ground work. It was an amazing process and I’ve written the story before. Maybe I will again for my site too, but for now that’s all I need to say about this.

So in my time away from Guruji, in Germany after I had lived with him the second time I was pulled back to Prathyangira. Not that I’d left Her, but during my Kali process I sort of left her on the back burner. She didn’t hold anything against me though because now that I’ve taken up Her sadhana full time again, I’ve doubled down with two mantras of Hers. This in a short time made me find interest in Sharabha as Her Bhairava. Last year Guruji gave me diksha to an Aghora Shiva mantra and that made me really love inviting in the masculine energy as well, though soft, it brought more balance into my body and mind. So to seek it again made sense, and upon my asking about it I was given a mantra and told to do it, so here I am. And it’s good, making me strong inwardly and have a deep resolve. It’s also brought me back to place of wanting to read and write again.

Not that I was losing interest in these forms of expression, just that I was really living so deeply in my own state of mind that I was unable to remove myself enough to even be able to write something abstract.

As a side note: I’m writing this being back in Dehradun again for a three month stint this time, and in coming here I have been less inspired to do much of anything, so the extra sadhana Guruji has given me is helping me get back in my groove. Though slowly….

So, why all this talk about Devas and Devis in such a way? In tantra our goal is to become the God we love. To realize the sensations and aspects of that deity within ourselves, so we can then live from that place. Experience life as they would, or as they do, through us. To also be there with those qualities ready for another if they should need our help. To be the fullest, most energetically aware version of ourselves that we can. To live life so fully and so full of Shakti that we pull the focus of others who will then wonder “what on earth are they doing differently than me that they glow like that?!?”

For me it’s also about using the abilities I have received through my sadhana to teach yoga, which has been my source of income for over two decades, in such a way that people can feel their own energy, the energy of their Ishta Devata and to learn how to move it, control it if you will (though we often surrender to the Shakti itself rather than try to manipulate it). To be that being another needs at that moment to show them how God would live if they were in your body/mind life experience. And to learn how to embrace our power, within the context of the yoga practices, the tantrik practices and within “real life” whatever the hell that means!

Ok, let’s leave it there for now…

Who or What is Kamakhya?

Who or What is Kamakhya?

by | Jun 24, 2024 | vamachara blog

Who or What is Kamakhya?

This one I’m asked more than anything, I’m sure because I post about Kamakhya so much. And it is likely the hardest thing I will ever type though I’m not sure why. When you’re talking to someone in person they can feel your energy as you get emotional about a thing, then they are pulled into the story much more deeply. Typing about a place like this and evoking that same sentiment is not such an easy thing methinks. But let’s see how I can do.

Kamakhya is in a temple in the Northeastern state of Assam, in India. The are used to be officially called Kamaroopa, and is still called that if you’re from there or know the history of Tantra and/or of this place. Kama is desire, or lust, and roopa is the form of something. So this area is the area that desire abodes, and comes from. They believe on the whole planet. and some will tell that the whole universe, which is often referred to as yoniverse by folks from Kamaroopa, was birthed from this area on this little planet.

There are signs in this area stating it is the seat of Tantra, if you look through my Facebook photos you’ll find a pic of this very sign. It is believed this place is where Tantra originates from. And the Tantra there you will not find anywhere else. Even the jyotish (astrology) from there is different than any other place in India. I will also say this, the people there are different than any I’ve met anywhere else in this country formerly known as Bharat. They are open, loving, and very grounded. And if they were raise on the NIlachal Hill, where Kamakhya resides, they are a breed all their own.

So, for the Puranic story around how this place got there: Shiva was married to Sati, how they got married and about their courtship is not the point of this writing so I’ll leave it out, but it is a big and interesting tale. Sati’s father was Daksha, a son of Brahma, who did not really approve of Shiva, who was a God but is known to be very magnanimous in his approach to whom he hung out with. Ghouls, goblins, sadhus, yogis, all disreputable people were equal in his eyes to those thought to be virtuous and Brahminical. Not something everyone agreed with, including Daksha. So when Daksha was planning a big Yagna (homa) celebration he did not invite his daughter because he knew she would insist on bringing her husband who might then in turn invite these so called disreputable beings with him.

She found out of course, as they always do, and was livid. Flew to the Yagna and in her anger self immolated, burst into flames from the inside out. There are also several versions of this, which you can look up if you’re interested.

Shiva because they were so linked immediately knew of her death and flew to her and put out the flame throwing her dead body over his shoulder. Another part of the tale is how he ripped off one dreadlock and it became Virabadhra and killed Daksha, but that again is for another tale. Then he proceeded to do his Tandava of grief, traipsing all around Bharatavarsha with her body in tow. And all this while he was not doing his job of destroying things no longer serving humanity or the Gods, so the Gods went to Vishnu complaining who then began to follow Shiva around slyly and slowly cutting off pieces of Sati’s corpse and each location one part fell became a Shakti peeth. A seat of power and worship of the divine Goddess.

Kamakhya is where her yoni fell, and so the seat of creative power landed there. Now, in their own tales they tell the root of all things is desire, even for moksha, and so desire is the biggest form of Shakti available so at one time it declared itself as living there, on that hill some 10,000 or more years back and since then has been worshipped in the form of the yoni there. There are several tales about how the temple was built and torn down by invading cultures. Even how they lost the original yoni and the yoni that is now within the Chinnamasta temple there on the hill was worshipped as the original Kamakhya, and so that temple is the second strongest in energy. Which is borne by my own experiences there. So she is Swayambhu, self declared and therefore Prana pratishta was not performed invited the deity to bring her energy to this spot, and that is why it is the most powerful place I’ve ever felt before.

Part of the temple that is currently there is about 750 years old, the newest part, and the stone part which I will include a photo of is about 2200 years old. People go there and never go inside, or maybe go once a year inside. Because you can sit outside and feel the energy and do your sadhana with great benefits. It’s quite the place and really needs to be experienced to understand this fact fully.

Whenever I go I stay on the hill at the hotel overlooking the temple itself, and just live in the energy of the place for the full time I’m there. Leaving with a fullness of spirit and a completeness that I cannot explain fully, and that slowly wears off with time. So I try to go back each year.

When you go inside the temple there is a very long line for the general free admission. But you can purchase a 501 rupee ticket for a sort of short cut that is no longer a short cut really, though is still shorter than the other line. Once you finally get into the garbha grha and bend down to touch the yoni they will have you partake of the water that is flowing freely over it. A natural spring from underground, which flows over all of the other yonis in the Ten Mahavidyas temples as well, as if by magic. You drink it, then you put it on your head while the priest puts sindoor made from the earth in the hill all over your forehead. You look as if you’ve been shot by gun point blank in your forehead, but you feel like you’ve never felt before as you finally get up from kneeling to touch the water and move over to the Matangi and Kamala yonis which are in the same room. But once outside you will want to sit and be in the bliss you’re feeling. Though you may be thirsty or hungry too, and full of energy.

As I say and have said, it is quite a place. Not one to be taken lightly and I’ll write more about her in the future….

What is Tantra?

What is Tantra?

by | Jun 12, 2024 | vamachara blog

What is Tantra?

Wow, this is a pretty simple concept that will be hard to answer. I expect mostly because people think one of two things; it means sex in the West and in much of India is means black magic.

Well, it means neither actually. Black magic is cured by tantra and yes, there are sexual components to tantrik sadhana but just regular sex cannot be called tantrik. That I’ll explain later.

It means thread, or to weave. Why would that have anything to do with this? Well because the goal of all tantrik techniques is to recognize the common thread between all things, so thereby weaving it together. That thread is what would be called God in Tantra, though many people try to avoid the use of the word God these days it is an important part of a Tantrik lifestyle and practice.

The concept of Tantra, Mantra, Yantra is also there. Tantra is the technique, the Mantra is the deity that you are invoking within yourself and the Yantra can be a geometric design which also invokes the deity but the Yantra ends up being your body. So in this vein of thought your guru will give you one technique that is in his/her parampara, and is usually a beginning stage so you can slowly open up the chakras and energy channels to allow the energy to flow and then once it begins a new technique will be given that is on the next level.

If that technique was a mantra and a specific location or way to chant the mantra, or say with a visualization, then you will do exactly that for however many times he/she told you to in the exact way they told you to. Usually the prescription will be 1 lakh times; 100,000 times, or even more. But not usually less. Unless your guru is like mine then they will simply observe you until they see your energy has shifted to the new level and then they will give you a new mantra, maybe to be done in a different place or with a new visualization. Or sometimes simply no instructions except to do it this many times before you come back. And they will know if you have or not when you come, because they will be able to feel it,.

Now I had an old teacher who was very open about what she called Neo-Tantra, the sexual approach. Because she believed it was also possible to achieve things that way as well, but the concern was on that side of things the deity is often left out of the equation. You simply are doing it in a selfish way, and that is NOT what Tantra is about at all. Her idea was you had to have a love affair with the deity, almost always a Devi, that would push you to go looking for ways to learn how to worship Her and to bring Her energy to you or within you. Then and only then would you be willing to surrender to the level you need to to accept the gurus teachings that would then evoke that Devi within you. And then you would be beginning your foyer into Tantra, but this was still only a beginning step as far as she was concerned, and in this I agree with her.

You also have to have a guru in Tantra, without one you will likely fail big time. And yes, there were so many of the old school holy men who did not have one and yet achieved much success in tantra. But they were almost always in India and so wanting that more than anything in their life that their chosen God appeared to them and gave them instructions directly. This is how all the mantras and other techniques came into existence in the first place anyway. And almost never happens nowadays, not that it couldn’t. India, unlike most of the rest of the planet, is not closed off to the idea of this still happening. But is very careful to accept new people because so much scamming has gone on. And so many gurus went to the west and were tempted by things there to their detriment. Really to their downfall! Which has given the Guru a bad name over there and around he world. But it doesn’t mean there aren’t real ones, good ones out there. I myself have one.

So if you want to deepen your experience of life, sometimes to an extreme that may seem too much, especially if you’re not from the culture that it is from. But then again even here in India people think they want this, but don’t really. So maybe I need to revise my wording. So, if you want to swim on the surface and never take a chance, then stay away from Tantra. BUT if you’re interested in life lived to its fullest extent, and the possibility of death at all times, and even are ready to accept death as the defining element of life then go seek a Guru, a Tantrik Guru. Because your life will change, and it will get better, and it will get worse in some ways (because awareness at this level is hard) but it all ways it will be enhanced. Your senses will get more heightened, your awareness will be soaring and you will have to learn to love and laugh through it all. But in my opinion that is the point of all this.

And another but…. If you aren’t willing to begin seeing something more within each being, within each situation, something many call God, but you are not required to. Some thread, some weaving together of all things including you, including me, including the rock you’re sitting on, the tree under whose shade you sit and everything you can see then don’t come to Tantra. For the techniques you learn will for sure show you this and drive you mad if you’re not willing to be with this knowing.

Tantra is this and so many more things, including an extension of the Vedas. Let’s meet sometime and discuss!

What is an Avadhuta?

What is an Avadhuta?

by | Jun 11, 2024 | vamachara blog

What is an Avadhuta?

The textbook description of this word is: completely indifferent to the world or worldly matters, and so is most likely only a person living like this and supported as a lifestyle will likely only be found in India. In other countries these will be called homeless people and so are thought of as those who are NOT contributing to society by working, paying taxes and being a consumer, so would not be supported.

My Guruji’s Guru was an avadhuta. She was Mayi Amma, which you can google and see many images of a mostly naked older looking woman, near or in the ocean and surrounded by dogs. She lived in and around Kanyakumari at the southern most tip of India but was believed to have been from the Northeast based on her looks. Likely Assam or Nagaland, but nobody really knows. She never answered this question when asked. She did what She wanted and lived as She was moved to, day in and day out for over 700 years. Nobody knows how long, and it was probably even longer than that because She said Her Guru was Goraknath, who lived quite a long, long time ago. Her picture is attached.

Dattatreya was the original Avadhuta, and even is credited with writing the Avadhuta Gita, a beautiful work of prose telling how this and that are all not requirements in life. He also never had a Guru himself in human form, but in all nature around him listed as 26 tattvas, all of which can be googled if you’re interested.

He as well is the father of Aghora, the path of Avadhutas, even though most in India would not call them that. They would more likely call them crazy, and some of them are, but the thing is that they don’t really care what you or society as a whole think of them. They are healers and help a lot of people, but have no concern with the modern ideas of how one is to present themselves in this lifetime. So they come around naked very often, or covered in ashes, or live in the smashān and seem to do very strange things. Though the only folks who know or understand their medicine are they themselves. Even those whom they have healed don’t understand how it works.

They have mantras that no one else has, and ideas of how to use ash, or rudraksha seeds, or even feces and urine, in ways that nobody would believe could work as a healing agent, but always does work. So Mayi Amma was from an Aghori parampara/sampradaya. Goraknath and his teacher Matsyendranath were accredited in the Aghora tradition also, and being or becoming an Avadhuta is definitely part of this path and the path of Tantra.

I believe all the teachings that can be learned in Tantra are meant to free you from all ideas of attachment to things in life. So if you’ve received diksha in a mantra it is meant for this. Or trained in a pooja, it is meant for this. The problem is that sometimes we get very entangled in the “things” we learned and doing them, rather than the effect they are meant to have. So can get more and more attached.

I myself will say I am still attached, although I’m far less than I used to be. I’m not ready to have nothing and nowhere to live, even though I love the idea of these things. I still have two suitcases which hold almost all the belonging I do still have, and they are not seriously needed things. A few clothes and books, my altar and the vigrahas I use once settled in a place for a short time. And all the oils I use in my hair or on my body, but also which can be purchased in different locations so aren’t terribly needed.

But the idea of freedom can be just that, an idea, or it can be real. I keep feeling myself more and more called to this type of life and may find myself in it soon enough. Even my astrologer has told me one day I’ll through my passport in the Ganga, or burn it, and just live freely. And perhaps this is so.

Are you free? Do you find yourself scared of these ideas I’ve listed above and find that thinking about them don’t make you feel free? Can you imagine what it will be like to actually be free like this? I can, and it does scare me and that is why I’m interested in it. How can freedom manifest itself in your life a little more?

Who is Smashān Kali????

Who is Smashān Kali????

by | Jun 1, 2024 | vamachara blog

Who is Smashān Kali????

First of all, let’s clarify smashān. The line over the second a means it’s long, but not long the way it is in English, the way it is in Sanskrit, which is the sound ah. And in Hindi the word is pronounced shamshan for some reason. And technically in Sanskrit the word is shmashāna, which is hard to pronounce and so in South India we say smashān. Which is a place where bodies are cremated. Many cremation grounds have specific spots for each body to be, either surrounded by metal, or uplifted like a perch with bricks or concrete blocks, and painted. I’m explaining because nowhere else do these places exist except in India, and most people who visit India are going for yoga or “spiritual” tourism, so don’t see these places unless they happen to be visiting a Tantrika….

So, Kali most people know from the imagery of Her that has been circulated for decades, which shows Her stepping on Shiva who is a corpse at Her feet. Smashān Kali can be on Shiva as well, but often is not. She also can be seated on him, or on Mahakala while the Shava (corpse) version of Shiva is below him. These are very Tantrik versions that have very deep descriptions, that I don’t need to get into here today.

Kala means time, or black in HIndi, but mostly it’s used for time in Sanskrit and Kali is the Devi (goddess) of time. Nothing destroys absolutely everything except time; in time all things disintegrate. All things. So She is that whom facilitates this process, maybe faster if you worship Her correctly, or slowly if you don’t care. Thought fast seems to be a punishment believe me it is much better than slow. Also since the cremation grounds is where the bodies are burnt after the soul leaves them, it is where She lives because She is the dissolution of all things.

To worship her in Tantrik terms means to receive diksha in Her mantra and sit and chant it, usually at a cremation grounds, or near one. Often it’s not recommended to chant Her mantra in your home, but my guru told me I can do it anywhere. It is all going to fall apart at some point, so why worry about helping that along, right?

It can also mean to sit on top of a dead body in the cremation grounds while chanting Her mantra trying to invoke Her into the body. It can also mean sitting on top of five skulls, pancha munda, and chanting Her mantra. It can mean any number of things such as a pooja, or holding a mudra whilst chanting in nature. But no matter what, you are inviting Her into your life, into you body, and asking Her to dissolve the things in your very being that are keeping you from realizing God in all things. And this can be quite a process of destruction that it feels as if you’re dying, while these ideas you may have had of yourself for your whole life are destroyed and you realize the truth about you, and then about all beings, including God in whatever form you happen to see them as.

Smashān Tara can also be included in this, but She does NOT have a dakshina or right hand path version of sadhana, only vamachara, or left hand path versions for Her. See my description of vamachara on my website if you need to know what that means. But the Kali version has both, so you can choose. Or actually She will choose you, and yes, that means She will keep appearing to you in all sorts of ways until you give in and try to figure out how to worship Her. She chooses you, not the other way around!

Her goal in your sadhana, once She engages back with you, is that you completely lose all attachments to physical things and live freely as a new being. Not judging things as beautiful, or ugly, or easy or hard, or one thing, or the other. All things just are, and you in this new place will see them just as they are without attaching a label to them. You will be neutral.

She also is your protective mother, so will look scary and fierce to all except you. And to you She may sometimes look scary but in your state of true neutrality this judgment, this label, will no longer apply. And you’ll be happy to have Her in your life. According to shastra She does not look pretty as often depicted. Or as my Guruji says, the west has sent Kali to the beauty parlor. She is meant to be black, the color of the night sky. She should have pendulous breasts and a belly hanging over the girdle of arms. Her tusks are tremendous and evoke fear in even the largest predator and Her claws are meant to rip you to shreds with one swipe.

So, as with Prathyangira, don’t go asking for Her to come into your life unless you are ready for this complete dissolution of you as you once thought yourself to be. You will be letting go of these ideas and of the notion that all labels matter! You will enjoy all forms of sensation, even pain, as it is closest to your true, raw, open wound state of being and the ability to observe this is the one quality you will have left after She is finished with you….